Elevators

(I can never come up with clever titles for these entries.... If I ever write a book, I will have to hold a "book-naming" contest...... )

I recently told a story about being kissed, unexpectedly, on an elevator by someone I worked with. This was years ago. We were friends, we had never been anything more than friends. But one day on the way back from lunch, for reasons that remain unknown to me, he laid a good one on me. Shocking! But, boy, did I know I had been kissed!

That is a terrific memory. But I've learned that other types of excitement await the unsuspecting on elevators.

This morning, after tackling a series of obstacles, I arrived at work just in time to follow a student driver from the truck driving school upstairs in our building as he navigated s-l-o-w-l-y through the parking lot. I say "he" because as I got out of my car, I saw a pack of large, glistening (read sweaty), manly specimens walking away from the truck - right toward me. "No big deal," I thought to myself. There were 6 or 7 of them, all considerably taller than I, all over 200 lbs, all wearing some form of sleeveless attire. My twisted mind conjured up a quick commercial about beer and bellies and sweat.

They closed the gap fairly quickly as I am short and was in heels. As they followed me to the building, I noticed that they were making comments. About me. Meant for me to hear. "Sure is hot out here." "Might not be so hot if you didn't have those sleeves on your shirt." (What is it about sleeves, anyway?) "Must be kinda hard to walk in those shoes." "Too bad that skirt's not a little shorter. I bet you've got real purty legs." I'll spare you the remark about my posterior...

I wished I was cocky enough to turn around and ask them if this tactic had ever worked on the ladies.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I reached the door to the building... until, that is, they followed me through the door. There was this awkward moment (felt like an hour) waiting for the elevator. Then they all piled on behind me. Dang. I believe there is a permanent hole in the back of my... head. I thanked God for reminding me to put on perfume this morning.

My evil twin (as BB calls her) recounted her elevator experience when I got into my office. She got to ride up this morning with a huge man wearing one of those prison-issue ankle bracelets. She wins.