Howdy, Folks!

That's how Big Tex greeted us at the State Fair this weekend. Big Tex is friendly like that. Every year. At one hour intervals. I love that in a man.....

I met a local celebrity at the State Fair. I was sitting on a bench with the Not-So-Little One, waiting for Mikel and the Little One to finish some kid activity (which the Not-So-Little One felt was beneath her), when Channel 8 meteorologist Greg Fields asked if the seat next to us was taken. I cleverly answered, "By you!" I'm so smooth when I meet celebrities. I was proud of myself for not making some stupid remark about the weather, especially after several other strangers walked up and asked him if he brought any rain with him. "I'll bet he never hears that," I smirked to myself. Instead, I met his beautiful wife and equally gorgeous baby daughter. We talked about junk food, my favorite topic.

I turned to the Not-So-Little One and asked her how it felt to sit next to a celebrity. She looked confused, and Mr Fields said, "Nah. A celebrity to her would be Hannah Montana, not a weatherman." She nodded in agreement, and we had a good laugh over that. It was the highlight of my State Fair experience. Mikel one-upped me and reminded me that he sang tenor with Channel 5 meteorlogist David Finfrock once...

And now for the peculiar part of my State Fair experience: We went to watch swine judging. I know diddly about swine other than how tasty they are. And I have never watched swine being judged. Which was a fine reason to go watch. Maybe I would learn something. And I did. I learned that they have to keep the animals moving for the judge, which they do with a switch or quirt, whatever they call it in the swine world. And if that little thing doesn't do the trick, they use what looks a lot like a sawed off broom handle. And they whack the poor things! Sometimes they wail on them. So hard that their little shaved and oiled pink bodies show marks. The Not-So-Little One called it cruel. The Little One called it rude. Mikel called it Pig Whacking. I'm not sure what was more disturbing - the whacking or the naked appearance of a shaved pink pig.

I ate my usual Fletcher's corn dog. It was delicious. And it made me sick. If I'd known this new healthy lifestyle would render it impossible to eat my favorite greasy foods, I might have shunned the idea. Maybe it's not too late.