Toilet Training

If you happen to be eating while you read this, you may want come back later.

I'm getting on a soapbox, ladies. I say "ladies" because you are my target audience today.

Why, oh why, do some women insist on hovering over the toilet seat in public restrooms to urinate? The only thing they accomplish is getting their bodily fluids all over the seat. And apparently their bodily fluids are so distasteful to these same women that they cannot bring themselves to clean up their messes.

If you don't want to touch your urine, I certainly don't want to! And... if I wanted to tiptoe through puddles, I would use the men's room instead (sorry, guys).

Ladies and gentlemen, news flash - you cannot catch anything from a toilet seat! I looked it up. I consulted several different reliable sources. You are more likely to catch something from the sponge in your kitchen sink than from a hard, nonporous toilet seat.

If you are one of those total clean freaks, put some toilet paper on the seat before you sit and flush it when you are through.

And here's a question - how do you manage to hover over the seat, sprinkling your goods all over the place, without getting it on yourself? If it's not taking a direct route to the water below, it's running down your leg and into your socks. I'm just sayin'.

So... sit yo' shiny hiney down, for pete's sake!